Six-Week Checkup

What’s the point of life? We emerge from some woman’s womb, we go to school, we slave over a job we’re really not very good at but we do it anyway because we need the money—and for what? Nothing. Our high school guidance counselors were right, weren’t they: we’re really only here to do one thing, and that’s to spread our genes through reproduction. An average lifespan of 80+ years just to do that? It seems like a long time is all I’m saying.

And speaking of time, it’s about time I take a moment to thank you for being a constant visitor to Doctors Etcetera. We hope our site is enriching your life and making it more meaningful every day. I honestly can’t believe it’s already been six weeks since we launched, mainly because that also means I’ve had this erection for six weeks. Just kidding, that’s an old doctor joke.

When we decided to create this site, we had one goal in mind: 1,000 hits a day. And we fall well short of that goal every 24 hours. Does that fact sting a little bit? Yes, it stings like Chlamydia—a disease we’re all a little too familiar with. But there’s not much you can do about Chlamydia. There’s simply no stopping it.

Nevertheless, we’ll keep bringing you medical fact after medical fact, because we’ll never lose site of our third goal: helping you become healthier and happier. (Note: our second goal is to stop looking at our Facebook feed so much.)

So what’s on the horizon for Doctors Etcetera? Well, this week one of our doctors has published his first piece on this site. His name is Dr. Finnegan, and he’s a urologist. A pretty good one at that. Only a couple botches. Not bad, considering he’s usually exhausted from his night job as sandwich artist at Subway.

And, of course, you’ve already been introduced to Dr. Braine a couple weeks ago (the ‘e’ is silent). He’s a good man, Dr. Braine. Something you might not know about him is that he has a serrated tongue. Just kidding about that. I honestly don't know if he has a serrated tongue, or any tongue at all for that matter.

Also on the horizon: e-cards, some medical and wellness videos, and more articles than you can fit into an army of HAZMAT suits.

Again, thank you for visiting Doctors Etcetera. We wish you nothing but the best. Unless you’re not sharing our site, in which case we hope you get the gonorrhea or something.

Warmest regards,

Dr. James Shallot
Doctor, President & Founder of Doctors Etcetera

Welcome To Doctors Etcetera


Life is full of ups and downs. And, let’s face it, there are more downs than ups. At an early age, our parents tell us we can be anything we want to be. Anything at all. But as we grow older, experiencing one failure after another, we come to realize that they were lying to us. We learn that just because you put in the hard work doesn’t mean you’ll succeed. In other words, your dream will remain just that: only a dream.

Hi, I’m Doctor James Shallot, founder and president of Doctors Etcetera. I’d like to welcome you to this site—a site that will revolutionize the online medical industry. This isn’t just a site that will help you diagnose your own medical conditions; it’s also a site that gives you the tools you need to stay happy, healthy and erect. That tool might be an enlightening news article or an informative interactive feature or simply that extra Venn diagram you needed to see before finally deciding to get that abortion.

Thanks to our team of doctors, all the answers you ever needed are right here at your fingertips. Whether your symptoms are nausea, suddenly finding your dog attractive, or a persistent cough, your diagnosis and treatment are just a couple clicks away. It’s a beautiful thing.

Some people might argue that sites like ours create a hypochondriacal society or, at best, confuse people, and those people are either mildly paranoid or have mouth cancer.

Nevertheless,  I hope you get the most out of Doctors Etcetera. And I hope you share our site in the same way you share your filthy diseases: thoughtlessly and without any consideration for humankind, friend or foe.

Warm regards,

Dr. James Shallot
Doctor, President & Founder of Doctors Etcetera