Common Cold

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Overview
The common cold begins when a cold virus attaches to the lining of the nose, throat, or the very tip of your penis. The common cold is one of the leading causes of doctor visits, second only to daddy issues.

But why does a cold make you feel the way you do? Does it have to do with how insignificant you are? Actually, it has to do with your immune system, which rapidly ejaculates white blood cells to attack the cold germ. This initial attack will fail unless you've encountered that exact strain of the virus before, and your body will send in reinforcements. With so much of your body's energy directed at fighting the cold virus, you're left feeling tired and miserable, even after hours of intense sex with a total stranger.

The best thing you can do is get hopped up on meds and try to forget just how insignificant you are.

Common Cold Symptoms
Symptoms of the common cold include itching, sore throat, nasal congestion and waking up in the middle of the night only to see the dark outline of your dead uncle standing over your bed. Symptoms also include sneezing.

Do I Have The Cold Or The Flu?
The quickest way to determine whether you have a cold or the flu is to very gently squeeze the tip of your penis. Try it now: squeeze the tip of your penis. It’s the quickest way. Now squeeze it again, gently. One more time, just do it. That’s it, just like that. After that third squeeze, you’ll know you have the flu if you thought about your mother.

Treatment
Like the summertime blues, there is no cure for the common cold. The best thing you can do is get hopped up on meds and try to forget just how insignificant you are.

Five Ways To Prevent The Common Cold
1. True love’s kiss
2. A couple Quaaludes
3. Some strange
4. The Cannoli Of Magik
5. A 100% completed LinkedIn profile