The Flu

One symptom of the flu includes the unmade bed where your wife and I explored new worlds together.

One symptom of the flu includes the unmade bed where your wife and I explored new worlds together.

Overview
Influenza, or the flu, is an extremely contagious respiratory illness that you definitely have right now. The flu virus—the one we’ve been exposing you to by way of your air vents—attacks the body by furiously spreading through the upper and/or lower respiratory tract. Some more bad news is, we’re sleeping with your wife.

Symptoms
You’re going to feel pretty bad within a few days from now. Picture yourself in bed, suffering from an unbearable headache, your joints and muscles ringing with intense aches and pains as you cough out alien mucus. Picture yourself weighted down by the chains of fatigue. Now picture your wife quietly slipping out of the house while you’re consciousness is on lockdown thanks to NyQuil. Picture her putting the car in neutral and letting it roll silently out of the driveway, and then, once clear, firing off the ignition, her entire body quivering in anticipation for what’s to come. Can you picture that? Good. Good.

Treatment
There are treatments to help you feel better, and we plan on putting those treatments in here at a later date. But for now, just deal with the symptoms as well as the fact that your wife is knocking at our door right now, waiting for us to give her what she wants. If it’s any consolation, you can rest assured that we’ll slip it in gently at first, and then slowly pick up speed, giving and taking, giving and taking, until she climaxes in a fury of ecstasy. Not sure if that’s really a consolation, but still.

Why Are We Exposing You To The Flu Via Your Air Vents?
Experience is the best teacher. Just ask your wife, she’ll tell you.

How Do I Prevent The Flu?
With this thing called a “flu shot.” Christ, no wonder why your wife is sleeping around.